Growing up, I didn’t have many girlfriends. Most of my friends were guys, and for
two reasons: I had an older brother, and, for some reason, I never felt comfortable
around girls. I just fit better with the guys, and they treated me like one of their
own—until I got older, and my body changed.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just “one of the guys” anymore. Boobs and curves changed
everything. Some of the boys who used to see me as a friend started wanting to date
me or hang out—not in the group, but alone. It didn’t make sense to me. Weren’t we
just friends? I wasn’t interested, so I said no. That’s when the name-calling started.
I became the tease. The tramp. The hussy. All because I didn’t want to date them.
And when I started seeing guys outside of our group, it only got worse. Now, I was
the whore—sleeping around, apparently.
Why is it that women get branded with names like slut, bitch, or whore for simply
saying no? Or for dating multiple people? And let’s not forget, this isn’t just a male
thing. Some women are just as guilty of throwing these words around at other
women. Whether we’re exploring our sexuality, enjoying casual relationships, or
thriving in polyamorous lifestyles, these choices are ours to make.
Meanwhile, men? When they date around or turn down advances, they’re often
praised. They’re admired for their conquests. And guess what? No one’s calling them
a slut or a tramp.
Ever wondered why?
Think of all the names we have for men who date multiple people or embrace non-
monogamous relationships: seducer, womaniser, libertine, playboy, player.
Not one of those terms carries the sting of shame or judgment. In fact, they’re often
laced with admiration or humour. Compare that to the words used for
women—words dripping with moral disdain and dehumanising contempt.
I’ve spent time wondering why society feels the need to brand women this way.
Aren’t we just as deserving of freedom, desire, and the joy of exploring connections
with more than one partner? Why does this double standard exist?
Here’s my theory: society views women as sacred, pedestal-bound figures because of
our ability to create life. We’re seen as untouchable, pure. And the moment a woman
steps down from that pedestal, rejecting the illusion of perfection imposed on her,
society lashes out. Name-calling becomes the weapon of choice—a twisted way of
enforcing “morality” and control.
But here’s the thing society doesn’t realise: most of us—the so-called sluts, bitches,
and whores—refuse to be shackled by their words. We know who we are. We know
what we want. And we live unapologetically.
We will leave this world not as society’s idealised, subdued version of womanhood
but as women who dared to live freely. Women who pursued happiness on their
terms, shattered oppressive norms, and broke the chains of sexual stigma.
So, call us whatever you want. The truth is, we’ve already won.
~ KindraWhite ~